Rites of Passage - Wedding Planning
PLANNING YOUR WEDDING
Your wedding is a public declaration of love and commitment. The only legal requirements are that you be of age, that you both consent to the union, and that at least one person known to you stand as witness (signing the valid license before the officiant).
However, the real beauty and power of any wedding ceremony lies in the love and faith that you two already share with one another! When love and faith are thus joined, it cannot help but be celebrated as a gift both precious and rare! Publicly expressing and celebrating your values, expectations, hopes and understandings in the context of supportive family and friends honors that gift and makes of it a gift to others.
The months, weeks and days before a wedding are filled with all manner of activity and responsibility, all manner of details, as you plan for this special celebration of your union. Know that this is also an opportunity to strengthen the foundation already set for your marriage. This is a time for thinking about and sharing openly with each other the feelings and ideas you might not yet have had occasion to discuss! You may discover something new about yourselves, as well as develop a greater sense of how your wedding ceremony could be truly reflective of who you are as unique individuals and of what you bring to this union!
To help your envisioning process I’ve attached some information regarding elements of wedding ceremonies as well as a list of questions you are invited to use as a springboard for ongoing conversation. Please know that you will NOT be asked to share your reflections with me, only to consider how they might relate to the plans for your wedding ceremony!
SOME QUESTIONS TO INSPIRE YOUR CONVERSATIONS WITH EACH OTHER
GETTING STARTED
Getting Help
The best thing you can do is designate people you know and trust to help you plan and deal with all the details: invitations, transportation, accessibility, accommodation, decorations, favors, guest book, flowers, photographs, catering, cake, sound system, gift table, tuxedo and dress, payments, etc. This is especially true on your wedding day! Think about what would help you relax so you can thoroughly enjoy this time and be sure to enlist help.
The License
The wedding license must be obtained by the couple through the appropriate (Los Angeles) County Clerk office and given to the officiant prior to the ceremony. It should either be properly endorsed at that time, or during the ceremony. That way it is done and you can enjoy the rest of the festivities. The officiant will mail you a copy and submit the original.
THE ELEMENTS OF THE CEREMONY
Wedding ceremonies can be as traditional or as unique as you want them to be. Listed below are a few standard elements you might wish to include. There is a lot of room for creativity here!
Music
Most wedding ceremonies have a musical component during the processional and the recessional. But music can also be included in the body of the ceremony itself. Do you have friends/family willing to sing or play an instrument? Is there a piece of music particularly meaningful to you?
Processional
Here you will want to think about whether music will be playing and how that will be arranged. Consider whether you will walk in together, or individually (perhaps accompanied by a parent). If there is a bridal party, you will need to consider how/when they process in, and where everyone will be placed.
Welcome
The officiant welcomes those gathered, acknowledging the special nature of the day and the special nature of supportive relationship. (A simple ritual could be added here to acknowledge deceased family members or those not able to come.)
Centering Words or Prayer
It would be important to have discussed your own thoughts/feelings regarding prayer and religious language with the officiant, to assure that this reflects your values and honors your guests.
About the couple
The officiant (or a close friend!) shares a brief description of your courtship and how you have come to this place in love and commitment, as well as which hopes and expectations you bring to your union.
Reading
If there is poem or reading already special to you, this would be a wonderful time to share it. Otherwise you might ask one or two people close to you to write or bring something special to read aloud…either about you or simply as a gift to you!
Message to the couple:
The officiant shares a message regarding the nature of marriage.
Vows
This is a great opportunity to articulate to your beloved your deepest values regarding your relationship and the future you enter together. Consider writing your own vows…or choose existing vows that express what it is you really wish to pledge to each other. There are many books and websites with sample vows, or the officiant can provide you with samples!
The Exchange of Rings
If you have brought rings you will be asked to reveal them. The officiant will briefly speak to the symbolic nature of these rings and offer a blessing of them before inviting you each to exchange your rings with words of commitment.
The Community Blessing
This is optional, but a wonderful way to publicly include your gathered family and friends in the bond of commitment you are creating. The officiant will ask them to declare aloud their support and blessing of this union!
Closing Words/Blessing
The officiant will offer final words of blessing to this union.
The Pronouncement and First Kiss
The officiant declares the couple to be officially joined in marriage and invites the first kiss as partners in life, as husband and wife!
Recessional
The married couple recess, followed by attendants/family. A receiving line is usually formed and the reception begins!
Other possible elements:
A First Gift ritual: in which the officiant gives each of the two a rose as their first gift as a married couple, which they then give to each other.
A Unity Candle ritual: in which there are two lit tapers, which the couple takes to light a single candle representing their union.
A Light of Lights ritual: in which one candle symbolizes the source of Life/God and the mothers of those to be married pass this light to their respective children (the couple). The couple then touch their flames to each other (either lighting a unity candle, or passing their flame on to all gathered!)
A Blended Family ritual: in which children brought into the new marriage are honored and offered vows and commitment (may also include a ring or other such symbolic gift).
*
Next Steps
As an experienced Officiant, comfortable with planning a wide variety of religious, secular and spiritual ceremonies, I strive to help create a joyful, deeply personal and spiritually rich atmosphere for your celebration. Please contact me at [email protected] if you'd like to find out more about my approach and availability.
FYI:
I do require a phone interview with the couple, after which you can confirm within 1 week whether or not you wish to have me officiate your wedding. At that time the fee and other details will be confirmed and you will be asked to sign a contract. Please note I will require two in-person meetings with the couple, taking place at least one month in advance of the scheduled ceremony. A deposit is due at the first meeting and paid in full at the second. (50% refund for cancellation prior to the 2nd meeting. No refund for cancellations after that date.) I ask that no photos be taken by guests during the ceremony, and that professional photographers be situated in such a way that they do not interfere with the ceremony and that they do not use flash photography.
Your wedding is a public declaration of love and commitment. The only legal requirements are that you be of age, that you both consent to the union, and that at least one person known to you stand as witness (signing the valid license before the officiant).
However, the real beauty and power of any wedding ceremony lies in the love and faith that you two already share with one another! When love and faith are thus joined, it cannot help but be celebrated as a gift both precious and rare! Publicly expressing and celebrating your values, expectations, hopes and understandings in the context of supportive family and friends honors that gift and makes of it a gift to others.
The months, weeks and days before a wedding are filled with all manner of activity and responsibility, all manner of details, as you plan for this special celebration of your union. Know that this is also an opportunity to strengthen the foundation already set for your marriage. This is a time for thinking about and sharing openly with each other the feelings and ideas you might not yet have had occasion to discuss! You may discover something new about yourselves, as well as develop a greater sense of how your wedding ceremony could be truly reflective of who you are as unique individuals and of what you bring to this union!
To help your envisioning process I’ve attached some information regarding elements of wedding ceremonies as well as a list of questions you are invited to use as a springboard for ongoing conversation. Please know that you will NOT be asked to share your reflections with me, only to consider how they might relate to the plans for your wedding ceremony!
SOME QUESTIONS TO INSPIRE YOUR CONVERSATIONS WITH EACH OTHER
- What/who do I rely upon for strength and inspiration…and why…
- What are my positive/negative experiences with organized religion…
- How do I feel about “religious language”…which words or rituals have positive/negative connotations for me…
- What are my thoughts/feelings about being part of and/or starting a new family…
- What are my thoughts/feelings about my career or professional goals...about money and financial management…
- What are my most basic thoughts on human nature…
- What are my beliefs about God/the Sacred…
- Do I have a sense of myself as a religious being…why, and if so, how does that find expression…
- What role, if any, does community worship, prayer, music, and service play in my/our life…what might that look like in the future…
- How do I feel about my/my beloved’s prior relationships (if any)…
- What are my long-range personal goals…where and how do I want to live…
- Is it hard or easy for me to relax…what helps…
- What situations do I have strong feelings about…how do I handle conflict…
- Am I willing to express myself honestly…am I willing to hear honesty…
- Who are my/our friends…what does it take to maintain friendships…
- How do my core values find expression in my day-to-day choices…
- The people/activities most important to me are…
- What are my thoughts on childrearing…
- The quality I most appreciate in myself is…
- The quality I most appreciate in my beloved is…
- How open am I to change…how assertive am I in creating change…
- What are my thoughts/feelings/plans regarding mortality…
- How do I contribute to the community in which I live…
- What do I need my beloved to know/understand about me…
- What is my vision for our life together…
- How can that vision be expressed in our wedding ceremony…
GETTING STARTED
Getting Help
The best thing you can do is designate people you know and trust to help you plan and deal with all the details: invitations, transportation, accessibility, accommodation, decorations, favors, guest book, flowers, photographs, catering, cake, sound system, gift table, tuxedo and dress, payments, etc. This is especially true on your wedding day! Think about what would help you relax so you can thoroughly enjoy this time and be sure to enlist help.
The License
The wedding license must be obtained by the couple through the appropriate (Los Angeles) County Clerk office and given to the officiant prior to the ceremony. It should either be properly endorsed at that time, or during the ceremony. That way it is done and you can enjoy the rest of the festivities. The officiant will mail you a copy and submit the original.
THE ELEMENTS OF THE CEREMONY
Wedding ceremonies can be as traditional or as unique as you want them to be. Listed below are a few standard elements you might wish to include. There is a lot of room for creativity here!
Music
Most wedding ceremonies have a musical component during the processional and the recessional. But music can also be included in the body of the ceremony itself. Do you have friends/family willing to sing or play an instrument? Is there a piece of music particularly meaningful to you?
Processional
Here you will want to think about whether music will be playing and how that will be arranged. Consider whether you will walk in together, or individually (perhaps accompanied by a parent). If there is a bridal party, you will need to consider how/when they process in, and where everyone will be placed.
Welcome
The officiant welcomes those gathered, acknowledging the special nature of the day and the special nature of supportive relationship. (A simple ritual could be added here to acknowledge deceased family members or those not able to come.)
Centering Words or Prayer
It would be important to have discussed your own thoughts/feelings regarding prayer and religious language with the officiant, to assure that this reflects your values and honors your guests.
About the couple
The officiant (or a close friend!) shares a brief description of your courtship and how you have come to this place in love and commitment, as well as which hopes and expectations you bring to your union.
Reading
If there is poem or reading already special to you, this would be a wonderful time to share it. Otherwise you might ask one or two people close to you to write or bring something special to read aloud…either about you or simply as a gift to you!
Message to the couple:
The officiant shares a message regarding the nature of marriage.
Vows
This is a great opportunity to articulate to your beloved your deepest values regarding your relationship and the future you enter together. Consider writing your own vows…or choose existing vows that express what it is you really wish to pledge to each other. There are many books and websites with sample vows, or the officiant can provide you with samples!
The Exchange of Rings
If you have brought rings you will be asked to reveal them. The officiant will briefly speak to the symbolic nature of these rings and offer a blessing of them before inviting you each to exchange your rings with words of commitment.
The Community Blessing
This is optional, but a wonderful way to publicly include your gathered family and friends in the bond of commitment you are creating. The officiant will ask them to declare aloud their support and blessing of this union!
Closing Words/Blessing
The officiant will offer final words of blessing to this union.
The Pronouncement and First Kiss
The officiant declares the couple to be officially joined in marriage and invites the first kiss as partners in life, as husband and wife!
Recessional
The married couple recess, followed by attendants/family. A receiving line is usually formed and the reception begins!
Other possible elements:
A First Gift ritual: in which the officiant gives each of the two a rose as their first gift as a married couple, which they then give to each other.
A Unity Candle ritual: in which there are two lit tapers, which the couple takes to light a single candle representing their union.
A Light of Lights ritual: in which one candle symbolizes the source of Life/God and the mothers of those to be married pass this light to their respective children (the couple). The couple then touch their flames to each other (either lighting a unity candle, or passing their flame on to all gathered!)
A Blended Family ritual: in which children brought into the new marriage are honored and offered vows and commitment (may also include a ring or other such symbolic gift).
*
Next Steps
As an experienced Officiant, comfortable with planning a wide variety of religious, secular and spiritual ceremonies, I strive to help create a joyful, deeply personal and spiritually rich atmosphere for your celebration. Please contact me at [email protected] if you'd like to find out more about my approach and availability.
FYI:
I do require a phone interview with the couple, after which you can confirm within 1 week whether or not you wish to have me officiate your wedding. At that time the fee and other details will be confirmed and you will be asked to sign a contract. Please note I will require two in-person meetings with the couple, taking place at least one month in advance of the scheduled ceremony. A deposit is due at the first meeting and paid in full at the second. (50% refund for cancellation prior to the 2nd meeting. No refund for cancellations after that date.) I ask that no photos be taken by guests during the ceremony, and that professional photographers be situated in such a way that they do not interfere with the ceremony and that they do not use flash photography.